Hi, I'm a 23 year old woman, still a virgin (for religious reasons). I come from a culture where some families practice female circumcision on young girls to "control desire." Unfortunately, I was one of them. I was around 12 when it happened. I remember they cut part of my labia minora, but I'm not sure how much exactly. I didn't fully understand it back then, and I never talked about it.
Throughout my teenage years, l avoided touching myself, partly out of fear of becoming "addicted" and partly because I was scared to explore what had happened to me. One thing I noticed, though, is that I would get aroused when I had to pee so l'd hold it in just to feel something. Sometimes l'd lightly touch myself then, but that was the only way l'd feel any real sensation.
I recently got engaged to someone I trust deeply. For the first time in my life, I feel safe enough around a man to show the side of me l've always kept hidden; the dirty side i’m head over heels for this guy and super attracted to him physically…as I said, we can’t really have sex before marriage so we try to avoid sexual intimacy when we are together but we use video calls to explore each other. He gets turned on and usually finishes during our calls. But when I try to touch myself at the same time with him…even though i can hear his moan and see his erotic expressions I don't feel much at all. I don't orgasm unless I also happen to feel that "need to pee" pressure. If I try without it, nothing really happens. I end up faking it so he doesn't feel bad, but deep down it makes me feel broken. And scared. So I'm left wondering... Did I lose sensitivity because of the circumcision? Is there something wrong with my anatomy? Or is it that I just don't know how to touch myself properly after all these years of fear and avoidance? I want to feel what others feel. I want to enjoy intimacy with my partner. But now I'm terrified that I've lost something so important I don’t know how to confirm my fears ? Can a gynecologist help with that? Is there a way to find out if I’ve really lost sensation?
[link] [comments]