If this isn’t the right place for this, please point me in the right direction. I’ve been single for a few years and am currently in my early 30’s. I have felt a shift in my hormones and mental health over the last few years and I think it is tied into being in the prime stage of life where my body if programmed to think that it’s going to make a baby. My sex drive is higher than it’s ever been. I have a hormonal IUD. Some women just know they want to be mothers and I have never felt that.
Yet, I’ve had some situations over the last few years where men that I’m dating or hooking up with end up getting someone else pregnant (while we were together or shortly after). I feel resentful and jealous these women. To the point where I have wished that I was the one that was pregnant. I once even went so far as to buying pregnancy tests after unprotected sex even though I have an IUD and deep down knew it wouldn’t be positive. After that I kinda freaked myself out because of how delusional I was being but I couldn’t help it. Maybe I’m really just searching for attention or something because I know that I don’t really want a baby right now or any time soon. Just feeling a little lost..
Please don’t say just see a therapist. I have tried a few and it hasn’t been helpful. Journaling seems to be the only thing that has somewhat helped but no one knows this about me and I feel ashamed admitting this to anyone I know. My IUD expires in a few months and I’m contemplating what to do.
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